this is good

the four weeks of break were needless to say, amazing. i got to see so many people and catch up with them as well, sleep as if i was newborn, and just a whole lot. im very grateful. i dont really have an extensive update... this semester will be my hardest, but it brings much anticipation with it; and i am glad that its spring bc there is a break in the middle of it.

“I do not love you the way  I did when we met
There were secrets and arguments that I hadn’t finished yet.
But its only that grace has outlived our regrets- we’re still here.
baby we can stay, till the last drop of water flows under the bridge…” jars

Happy Passion. Happy passion. “ happy passion.” Happy end of passion. The end. But what shall we call it if it continues after the end? Elusive? Snow coats the grass outside, enough that the whiteness blinds you when the sun beats down on it- but enough still that you know its grass beneath. Little white lights still twinkle on my miniature Christmas tree while candle flames still themselves across the room.

For the past two years on this day, the first of January I was preparing- heart and spirit, for an awakening. And I do believe that I got it, perhaps not in those concentrated four days but I think I found hunger there. I found me, somewhere. I think that has been whats taken such a toll this semester- I’m not just becoming, parts of me have become. They weren’t there before. I’m whole again, by great grace. Countless grace.

Dr. Elmore told me that of all the decisions American’s make in their lives, 80% are made in the college years. and with those decisions i go ponder...

"In this life, you’re the one place I call home
In this life, you’re the feeling I belong
In this life, you’re the flower and the thorn
You’re everything that’s fair in love and war

I’m coming down like a gunshot
In all these battles I’ve fought
You’re the mark I’m aiming for
I was yours
Head over heels"